My brother is home for the week or so, acting up as usual. Not that I don't love him, he's just a complete pain in my ass. He takes it upon himself to approve the new house, where we've put everything, the way I wear my hair these days, my clothes, my car--that he steals from me without asking--making snide comments about the way we live, my headshots and other such. He lives in New York. He thinks he knows everything. Arrogant wee bastard. He met my boyfriend on Thursday. He's yet to be around for a long period of time, but I'm anticipating the bitch fest when he is.

I have an appointment with an Orthopedic Surgeon on Tues. to see if I can work for the entertainment department. Kinda makes me wish I hadn't said anything about my previously broken ankles. I've broken them four times, y'know. The last two were really bad sprains, having snapped all the tendons on the outside of my ankle and foot--but because it broke off a bit of bone with it, it was technically a break. Fun stuff.

The sprains were worse than the breaks, though. They fucked me up for life.

Anyhow, I'm sure the doctor will sign off that I can do stuff--maybe have to wear a brace or two--but I'm not worried. I just want to start work again. The park fucked me for six weeks. That's almost two months, 'processing' my transfer from the lesse Kodak. Bastards.

In other news, I have a callback tonight for Kopit and Yeston's Phantom, for the role of Christine! I am the awesome. I haven't done any real theatre in what seems like forever. Musical theatre specifically. I'm a little rusty. But God, just standing up there today made me feel so much better. I've missed the stage more than anything. I need this show. Breaking legs nao, yes? ♥

I unpacked half a box the other day. In it, was my entire dresser. Not the dresser itself, but everything that was on top of it.

You see, back home in texas, I had this...well, I don't know what to call it. It was a collection, of random things on top of my stereo and my dresser top. I have a triangular box of rose petals I've been collecting since my last ballet recital..I was eight.

I have a candle holder that has various melted candles on it, and an indian painted wooden trinket that's full of safety pins I got for christmas from a secret santa at ACC. Dangling from the candle-holder are four glass crystals, and a little red bell tied on a red ribbon.

Around it are two masks I bought from my first trip to Italy with my parents. One is painted so beautifully, split almost directly down the middle; one half in dark colors, with golden leaves, lush red flowers, blue petals and the like. The other half is molded with gold-leaf, and has little strips of music notes and bars. It's a beautiful little half-mask. The other mask is much cheaper, but I loved it. It's painted gold, with black feathers sprouting from it. At the crest, where the arch of the nose starts, is a blue jewel. Three brown feathers sprout from it. Tiny ones.

Beside these is a glass jar, a christmas loon painted on it, holly wrapped around it's neck. There are little dots of snow all over it, in groups of three. Inside it is potpourri, and it smells like ginger, cinnamon, and pine. It was a gift from my brother, many years ago. It's always meant alot to me.

Around all that are a few small things. One is a tiny basket, one from the old, old Walk-Through-Bethlehem at my church. We had something of a fair just before christmas, and alot of the people that worked at the church, my grandparents included, set up this huge reenactment of Bethlehem, the Manger Scene and all. They used to have a market in one of the bigger rooms, and my mentor for my confirmation sold baskets. She gave me one of the tiny ones, and I've had it ever since. I was...five, maybe. I hated confirmation...and the people at my church were just so...fake. My parents stopped taking us to church -ages- ago. But the Walk-Through-Bethlehem was the highlight of my year for awhile. Getting to play around in costumes, buy things from the vendors with sheckles, swiping rock candy from the sugar-seller when he wasn't looking. It was something my whole family did together, grandparents and all, where we got along and had fun. That tiny basket and a clay pot are all I have left from it.

Beside that is a small silver box. Like a jewelry box. On the lid, a scene from the Restoration period is carved. Two men sit, playing chess, while three women stand by behind them, in their large wigs, gowns, holding fans before their faces. The inside of the box is lined with red velvet. It sits on four skinny feet. I think my mother gave it to me. I've just always had it. Beside that is a little crystal rose, the petals dark red, the center in clear crystal. Mag sent it to me, ages ago, for my birthday..

Then, there's my little doll. She's a bitty doll, in a white dress, dotted with pink and blue flowers on brown and green branches. She has a tiny dark green apron with white polka-dots, and a white hat with the same green trim. She has little plain black shoes, and white bloomers. Her hair is dark brown, and in pigtails. Her eyes are brown, and she has tiny pink painted lips. I never named her. I don't remember where I got her...I was on vacation with my parents. Somewhere in NoMansLand, in the country...and I asked for her.

Behind her, as well as the split mask from Venice, is a ceramic fairy. She's fairly big. She has pale pale skin, and golden hair. Pink lips, and blue eyes. On her head is a pink flower, with two dark green leaves acting as a headband. Her wings are large, like great leaves, in a dark dark teal. She sits on her knees, head tilted slightly to the left, gazing upwards, hands folded on her legs. I painted her myself, at..a girl's birthday party I don't know anymore. I was ten.

Behind all this, leaning against one of the three mirrors to my bureau, is a collection of roses. Fake ones, mind you. One is very tall, velveted petals, very real-looking. A gift from one of the cable channels from my dad's work. Same as a nother rose, smaller, just as real-looking. There's a very very tall one, not as real, with red and white ribbons attached to it, and a small white plastic bear. A gift from a boy who used me as a rebound from his 4-year relationship. There are four other roses, three are dark, dark colored, the most realistic in terms of shape. I bought them for a project, but couldn't bring myself to cut them all up. The last is a dark, large, black rose, covered in fake dew. A gift from Marcus. An ex, but one of the best friends I ever had. I haven't honestly spoken to him in years. No way to contact him.

On the -other- side is my box of rose-petals, the triangular one. It's under a thin handkerchief, pale orange-beige, with black and red Indian designs. My dad found it on a bus during one of our vacations. In the middle of it are two dark peacocks, one upstraight, the other bending, curling it's neck around. On it is a small clay pot. It's also from the walk-through thing, we had a woman that would work on a wheel. She made me that pot special, along with one other that was glazed and fired. It broke ages ago. This pot, however, is not glazed. It's full of a rose potpourri my mother let me have.

On one side of this is a globe. A dark blue globe, my dad got from the Weather Channel. When you used to shake it, a white cloud would swirl around all over. It doesn't anymore.

On the other side is a small black chinese jar. In it, are ashes from the first incense sticks I ever burned. When I remember, I still add to it.

And, finally, there is a vase of flowers. Four dried yellow roses, two dried pink daisies, and four 'stone roses' from Dallas's Scarborough Fair. The dried roses and daisies were from a bouquet of roses from my angel, Grace. She gave them to me for my last Christmas Carol at ATD she came to see. For as long as they'll hold up, I'll always have them. The stone roses have a story themselves.

One is Pink, one is Purple, one is Silver, and one is Red.

The Pink one was a gift from my friend Larke. She and her history--maybe english?--class went during the school year, and she thought to bring one to me. I had never had one before, so it's always been special. The purple one I bought myself while there, with Maggie-Kathleen. It matched my costume. The silver one I also bought myself, on the same trip. I went back for it because it was so pretty.

And the Red one. Ah, the red one. Marcy bought that one for me. It's a bittersweet thing. I loved her, alot. And she broke my heart.

And then, there's the small, long blue cushion, filled with herbal seeds. On it, are four miniature birds, about the size of marbles. And a plain white mask. The mask was one I fixed to fit me exclusively.


I've been in Hawaii for a year. It's not as cracked up as it sounds, to be honest. The skies are the same, the temperature is always the same...the highlight for me is the ocean. I could live and die by the sea.

But I miss cold. I miss cold, so dearly. Winter, strong winds, chills. I miss walking in the cold.


But...unpacking this box, it's the first time I've felt at home. It surprised me how much all that stuff meant.

When my mother came home, and saw all the crumpled packing paper, she asked me if I found anything.

I said, "..Yeah. Me."

....I stole the computer.


...One chapter. One, then the epilogue, and I'm...finished. 

I've been crying all morning--And the entire station chapter had me in tears. 

I have never loved Albus more.


Oh....my GOD.